My 23-day trip to Europe was amazing. Michelle and I spent a week in Paris, a night in Grenoble, three days in Florence, three days in Rome, three days in Venice, three days in Berlin and two in Amsterdam. Since it was the off-season for travel, hotels were affordable, so we were rarely relegated to hostels.

I think an account of my trip is most entertaining if I put it in best/worst-of form.

Best Place Overall: Venice, hands down. Venice is probably the most distinctive place on Earth. It's built on a chain of islands, and there isn't enough room for cars. That's right, there's not a single car in the city. And the roads are maze-like, so it can take a half-hour to walk a mile.

Hottest Women: Amsterdam. I know, I was surprised too. Before the trip, I figured buxom blondes of Germany would offer the most eye candy, or the dark Mediterranean Italian donnas, maybe. Perhaps it's because there's been a history of Dutch cross-breeding. Perhaps it's because Amsterdam has a huge population of legitimate prostitutes. I don't know.

Best Public Transportation: the Paris Metro has hundreds of stations. Near the center of the city, there are many less than a quarter-mile apart. You can go from one end to the other for a buck. The trains run every five minutes in most stations. And the performers on the train are more entertaining than their annoying American counterparts. One performer led the whole train in a sing-along of "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da." Strangers were putting their arms around each other's shoulders and swaying to the tune. It was like a movie.

Worst food: Amsterdam by a mile! If you ever go to Amsterdam, bring your own food. I've never actually had British food, but there's no way it can be worse than the food in Amsterdam. The problem: it's mostly munchy food, that you only appreciate if you're high as a kite.

Best Museum: The Pompidou in Paris. It's a modern art museum. My favorite Pompidou memory: there's a piece that's basically a small wooden swing suspended from the ceiling. The twist: there are two carefully-placed bumps on the seat. Yes, it's a masturbatory swing. Then, as Michelle and I are standing there giggling, this five-year-old kid runs up and starts pushing it, and acts like he's going to try to get on. Of course immediately a curator runs over and grabs the kid.

Most Breathtaking: St. Peter's Basilica. It's a lot bigger than it looks on TV. When you're inside, you literally feel like you're outdoors, like at an indoor ball-park. Imagine that ball-park ordained with gold and marble.

Easiest Place to Sin: Amsterdam, of course. Everyone asks me what exactly I did and didn't do in Amsterdam. It's not worth beating around the bush. Marijuana: once, other drugs: no, prostitutes: no.

Funniest Encounter: there was a homeless man sitting in the train station in Geneva when we were transferring to the train to take us to Florence. At first, as we walk by, he just asks for change. I pat my pockets indicating and don't and keep walking. Michelle and I get about 25 feet away when the guy stands up and starts pointing at me and screams: "I know him! He's a killer! You are a killer, no? How many men have you keeelled?!" Everyone else in the station is staring at me with frightened looks.

Weirdest Sight: We actually got to see the pope at his Wednesday morning mass in Rome. On he went in Italian and Latin for fifteen minutes before suddenly there was a big round of applause and motion on stage. Michelle, who speaks some Italian reports: "Something about performers or dancers or something..." Seconds later, two men in purple jump-suits come out and start doing acrobatics on stage. And the Pope is THRILLED. He's clapping into the microphone, sending booms through the hall, and people are hooting and hollering like it's Showtime at the Apollo.

Most Powerfully Moving: the main courtyard of Humboldt University in Berlin. It was where the students burned tens of thousands of books in 1933. Our guidebook recommended it, which is rare, so we decided to go. We entered the courtyard, and started to make our way to the center, expecting some big plaque reporting that X number of books were burned here in such-in-such year, and maybe a quote.

There's a pane of glass mounted in the center, with something behind it. We couldn't see at first because it was too bright, and our eyes had not adjusted. So there we are standing on top of it, squinting to see, and we both realize at the same time what it is: a room filled with rows and rows of empty white bookshelves. SHOCK shot through my body. Michelle and I were speechless.

The complete photo album for my trip (all 213 pictures) is here.